So here I am again... As I've said before and I'm sure I'll say again; "Alone again, naturally." I am an almost-50 year old woman in the throws of a break up. A four year relationship at it's end.
One of my bestest girlfriends once said to me, "you only write when you're in pain." I laughed at the time but as days, weeks and months went by I realized she was absolutely right (my girlfriends are wise, as all girlfriends are).
I am on day four of being single. I was preoccupied on days one through three because I was travelling for work but as the solitude of a Single-Girl Saturday night and the reality of what has happened sinks in, even the most luxurious bubble bath (done), best bottle of wine (well, maybe not the best as I am not independently wealthy but pretty darn good) or most mournful tunes mix (perhaps not the best idea) can alter my new state of reality.
We broke up on Tuesday night in the most calm, controlled way. I told him I was unhappy feeling like I was low on his priority list and he told me he's always been clear of what was important to him. We were both right. And so we both apologized and that was that.
Done.
The knot in my stomach remains. The pain is there. So are the tears but I only let them creep in once in a while. I'm a big girl now, you know.
As I came home from my brief travels, I foolishly hoped for the Ephron-esque declaration of love. The grand gesture saying he had been thinking of me as much as I was of him. The truth is a cold shower.
No one knows. Not my girlfriends. Not my children (adults now). Not his children (also adults). No one. I can't say it yet. That will come.
So in this moment, on this Saturday, I am cocooning. I am mustering up the courage to face a whole week alone.
It's just a moment. This time will pass.
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