Drawing the Line

Drawing a line in the sand. I'm sure we've all done it at some point or other in our lives; maybe when we're ending something... maybe when we're about to being something... Sometimes the line in the sand is to announce to others where you stand in no uncertain terms, sometimes it's to confirm it to yourself. Whatever their reasons or purpose for being created, they are hard to ignore once declared.

In my life I've drawn several lines in the sand. I've ended relationships when they've crossed that line and I've refused to do things because what was being asked went beyond the lines I had drawn for myself. I've also used them often with my children. I used to say to the boys when they were growing up, "we don't have a lot of hard and fast rules in this house but the ones we do have are absolute. Don't cross them." And when they did (which happily they didn't do it often), they knew the line had been crossed and an equal and opposite reaction was about to come (proof that physics comes in handy in real life... Thank you Newton).

Of course, lines in the sand don't have to be threatening in nature. It's not always about "if you do this, I am going to have to do that." Sometimes they are more like yardsticks... benchmarks. I am face to face with one of my classic lines in the sand these days.

Many of the lines I drew as a parent were created more as advise for my boys than direction; I was hoping to offer my perspective on life in tangible, measurable ways that were easy to absorb and hopefully follow. I have often shared my thoughts on relationships here (when it comes right down to it, I talk about little else) and I was equally communicative with the boys. It seems to have worked in one regard because my eldest has thrown one of those "perspectives" back to me recently and my how that came as a surprise. So what's come back to stare me square in the face?

"Don't get married before you turn 30." Something my eldest is about to do in 21 days. Three weeks. Actually, I told them they didn't ever need to get married because, as I used to tell them, "what matters is that you love the person you are with, treat them with respect and accept nothing less from them. But most of all, show them you love them. All the time." Marriages fail every day (been there, done that) and relationships with no legal proof of existence carry on. What matters is love. So my eldest happily reminded me of my "30 Rule" just a few days ago.

He is in a long term relationship with a beautiful gal who I adore as much as I could anyone who is not my own child. My son and I have talked about them getting married so if it happens this week, this month, this year or this decade it would come as no surprise. And of course I'm not so self-involved to think that any one of my three boys has not committed to marriage because of this advise I was always so happy to dole out.

But the reality is that as time marches on, so does the likelihood that my children will marry, have children, establish their own families to nurture and grow. So what's my latest line in the sand? Be happy. Love. Absolutely.