Time Zones

We all go through phases in life and from what I can see they are pretty predictable. Sure, each life phase may arrive at slightly different times in any given existence and it does seem that some people skip a phase or two but for the most part, life's journey is common from a macro perspective.

And with that commonality of path also comes another predictable path... Time zones. I have become more acutely aware of the existence of different time zones as I now have more time to contemplate these relatively useless bits of human minutia (see Liberated Time Zone below).

Allow me to demonstrate:

Bundle Zone - commonly defined by eat, sleep patterning. Individuals in this time zone can be thrown into fits of anxiety or frustration by the absence of either component of the critical pattern. Also impacting mood is the state of "derriere aridity." Key to socializing with individuals in this time zone is recognizing that your social expectations or schedule have no bearing whatsoever on the Bundle Zoner's plans or timeline.

Tot Zone - this time zone requires little explanation as anyone who has ever been in a grocery store line-up, restaurant or movie theater where a Tot Zoner was exerting his or her expectations on activities and scheduling, knows the havoc wrought on a day-to-day basis by these individuals. Good thing they're so cute.

Moppet Zone - from what I can see, this may be the best time zone to be in. Moppet Zoners can find interest and adventure in the most mundane of scheduling activities and provided there is easy access to food and bathroom facilities, you are in for a good time with these munchkins. They are generally accommodating and will usually outlast anyone with whom they are socializing. Very portable and equally cute as the Tot Zoners, without all that drama.

Teen Zone - to this point, individuals passing through the previous time zones are generally unaware of both the impact of their own schedules on those around them as well as other's scheduling demands. Teen Zoners are aware of both of these things, they just generally don't care. It's not a malicious ignorance, rather a self-involved development of ego. Teen Zoners will generally accommodate your scheduling and social demands but you should be prepared to consistently run late (due to an overuse of sighing for emphasis, arm-folding and head tossing) and once out and about, to provide ongoing apologies for your Teen Zoner's morose behaviour.

Autonomous Zone - this is the time zone I know the least about since I skipped it but from what I can tell it is most easily identified by individuals following their own schedules with an acceptance of others' as long as they don't negatively impact their own agenda of fun and frivolity. If you are planning an event or get together involving Autonomous Zoners, be prepared for feigned interest and early departures as "something more fun" comes along. Also of note for Autonomous Zoners, their zone is often at polar opposites to Folks Zoners and Liberated Zoners; don't plan early morning activities... That's when they are just getting back home.

Folks Zone - days in this time zone are entirely dictated by everyone except the person living in the time zone. Schedules and availability are governed by children, work, partners, in-laws and extended family. The individuals within this time zone are generally unaware of their own lack of control and in fact would argue passionately about the level of their own control using as evidence their electronic calendars (more than likely colour coded) that are packed in a very organized OCD fashion with activities for everyone but themselves. When scheduling with Folks Zoners, be prepared for over-eager escapism and dinners to start at 6:00 at the latest. Approach Folks Zoners with support and empathy.

Liberated Zone - the only thing that makes this time zone less desirable than the Moppet Zone is an hyper-awareness of the passing of time, the impact of your life and financial constraints. Generally, Liberated Zoners have changed their clocks at least an hour or even two past where the Folks Zoners set theirs. Due to an absence of individuals in the Bundle to Teen Zones, the Liberated Zoner often dedicates longer hours to work and indulges in activities that stimulate interests long ago stifled by the presence of the other Zoners. Dinners are rarely begun before 8:00 in the evening, weekend mornings can be spent either sleeping in to whenever or getting up early to spend time doing the interest of the day. The OCD scheduling tendencies are abandoned and Liberated Zoners can even be found reverting to the scheduling habits of Autonomous Zoners (with better options and less social anxiety).

Bundle Zone - although the Liberated Zone can last for an extended period and can even be the final time zone experienced by some, it can also be followed up by a repeat visit to the Bundle Zone. Again, schedules and activities are dictated by food and sleep and like it or not, derriere aridity. Often viewed with disdain, this repeat time zone visit should be viewed with reverence, affection and above all love.

Whatever time zone you're in, remember, it's just a moment, others are coming... If you're lucky.