Who's Counting?

It's a funny thing when you are capsulizing your life in broad strokes to someone who doesn't know you particularly well... Skipping the details that make all of your decisions make a bit more sense, you tend to cover the highlight reel, hit the key points that are generally accepted as important but sometimes the story seems more odd than you thought. And you're the one who lived it.

This happened to me recently. Talking about the big relationships I've had in my life, I named three. Partner #1; short, tragic, painful, leaving indelible marks that although faded, pop up every now and again. Partner #2; longer, stable, generally happy relationship that ended in mutual, respectful agreement. And Partner #3; you know all about that one.

There are several ways to interpret this bird's eye view (relationship-wise that is). Some people say you get one true love in your life, someone who will sweep you off your feet and with whom you will, of course, live happily ever after (I blame Disney for this... stupid 'princess being rescued by prince charming' story lines setting little girls up with the notion that a man will take care of them and men with the equally twisted notion that their only role in the plot is to save the woman). Clearly I've messed that one up because after three tries, Disney and I have agreed to disagree.

In Sex and the City, Charlotte decided that we all get two true loves (a convenient conclusion after the failure of her first marriage). Although not a popular view of love, it's an agreeable perspective given most peoples' situations. Still not looking good here because clearly I've over-shot by one.

And then there's the sporting reference. Three strikes, you're out. And like everything sporting, this connotation does not work for me. At all.

So what's left? Am I done? Had my chance, roll up the rug, turn the lights out and start collecting cats? No. I don't buy into that either.

Four. Four leaf clover. Shamrocks. Luck of the Irish.

Now there's an idiom I can get behind!

Yada yada yada

I fear my life has digressed to become a never-ending episode of Seinfeld.

On the upside, there is lots to laugh at, friends abound and I rarely go a week without having a great story that's worth sharing (good or bad... and bad usually is very laugh-worthy so not so bad after all).

Having said that, one of the most notable things about the "show about nothing' was the ease with which Jerry dismissed girlfriend after girlfriend for the most ridiculous reasons.  She had man hands.  She laughed like Elmer Fudd.  She wouldn't laugh.  She ate peas one by one.

How picky can one person be?  I'm asking myself that question with increasing frequency.

I date pretty regularly.  Lots, actually.  Lots of first dates.  So many first dates that my new dating modus operandi is that I really don't take an inordinate amount of time getting ready; save the good stuff if a second date becomes an option (perhaps this could be problem number one).  Now don't get me wrong, I'm clean, I smell good, I spiff myself up.  I just don't pull out my super-nice, looking-to-impress dress until I know for sure I want to impress.  That dress has been hanging, unworn, for months.

So what's the issue? Clearly, these guys are not bad... They're good guys, honest (as far as I can tell), sincere, hard working fellas.  But time after time, there is something that tweaks with me to say "nope, leave the dress in the closet."  What are my Seinfeld-inspired reasons for not pursuing date number two?

He told me he was glad he met me so he could save me from the life I was living.

He sent me 28 texts (27 of them unanswered) the day after our date (one of them being, "Is this thing on? LOL").

He forgot my name.

I honestly don't think I'm being unreasonable here but if the tables were turned how would I stack up?  Probably not so well.  I too have my special idiosyncrasies.  Clearly.   I like communication, but not too much communication.  I talk in meandering sentences that, if you're not paying attention, are hard to follow (probably why writing is my favoured form of communication; it gives you the opportunity to read things a couple of times to try to follow my train of thought).  I don't like to exercise. 

Deal breakers?  Maybe.  But it seems we all have them.

I'm finding all of mine, one guy at a time. 

"I am aware!!"

Top Ten Rules for Dating at Almost-50 (or shopping end of season sales...)

I have noticed that dating at this stage of life is remarkably similar to shopping sales at the end of any season... Allow me to illustrate:

1)     Only go to your favourite spots.  Picked-over at the places that you only sort-of like will leave you with way less than you would consider any other time but picked over at your favourite place could leave you a diamond in the rough you'd be proud to take home.
2)     Don't skip the "gently used" or "returns".... Great stuff can be found here!  Having said that, broken is broken.
3)     Packaging and marketing can be deceptive.  You really need to completely check things out to make sure everything is as promised
4)     You really need to look around.  A lot.
5)     Be honest with yourself first... Know what you'll accept and what you won't.
6)     At the same time, go in with an open mind... Maybe you would never consider a button-down shirt with pinstripes but sometimes you have to try things on to see how great they are.
7)     Remember, this has to fit with your lifestyle and who you are... You're not about to change that now, are you?
8)     Carefully consider the whole package.  If there are "also comes with" included, only go for it if you're sure the "also comes with" work for you just as much what you had your eye on in the first place.
9)     Window shopping doesn't get you anything at this stage of the game... You have to just jump on in!
10)     Caveat to all of the above... Don't settle.  Ever.  If you're not sure when it's new and shiny (even if it's just new and shiny to you) you'll never be sure.

And, so I will carry on.

The options

Options are a funny thing...  They're always there, whether we acknowledge them or not.  It's probably just our own state of readiness that determines how tightly our blinders are affixed to our visions of our world.

As time marches on and friends become more aware of my new (new to them, at least) single status, the suggestions are starting to come with increasing regularity.

"I have a friend, just let me know when you're ready."

"When you're ready, you should set up an on-line profile." 

Always, with the notation "when you're ready."  How the heck should I know when that is?  Is there a "ready" alarm clock?  Not that I've found, that's for sure!  All I know is that I want love.  Don't we all?   Then again, maybe not (recent experience should teach me that).  I guess that's ok if that's what you don't want.

But if we do want it, don't we all deserve someone who would move heaven and earth to be with us?  Even for short time?  Don't we all deserve that at least once in our lives?

I think so. 

So for now, I'm choosing the option of carrying on and enjoying all that is available to me now (which is so much) and when the option opens up to someone else... There I will be.